What if I'm not enough?
by Natalie Ryan
Summary: Just a plot-less story that turned to a story with a plot. A conversation between Steve and Danny, set somewhere in the third season. Hawaii Five 0 and its characters do not belong to me. The belong to Peter Lenkov and CBS.


What if I'm not enough?

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 **Okay, so this fic started as a try to write a conversation between Danny and Steve** **when I started watching season 3** **and while I was thinking of** **the** **direction** **where** **it** **was** **going, I watched 3x14 that involves the custody hearing and somehow everything got connected to** **Danny's fears of what Grace thinks of him and of losing her** **.**

 **After sitting on my computer for two months or so, I decided to put the final touch on it and post it. Wow, two stories in a matter of hours, huh?**

 **Enjoy.**

…

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"What are you saying Danny?"

"I'm just saying that I don't know why am I doing this?"

"Maybe because you are a good father that loves his daughter and wants what's best for her?" Steve asked, treading carefully. He knew the topic of the custody for Grace was a sensitive matter and as the date approached, Danny was getting more angry and on edge.

Danny was grumpy the whole morning and all Steve could do was to try and take his mind off of that thought. It was their day off and he knew, as a matter of fact, that Danny didn't sleep well last night. So, instead of resting, Danny was again filling his mind with worries.

"Maybe. Maybe not. What if Grace wakes up one day and says that I'm not good enough of a father and she thinks I don't love her as much as I do? What if she says that her Danno spent more time on the job than with her and that's the last straw? What if she only remembers me as her father that couldn't be there for her, because a case took all of his free time and weekends with her? She is just a child, Steven, and she has to go through so much, that it hurts me. What if I'm not enough?"

The power of Danny's words struck Steve and he was wrestling with his emotions, too. He knew how it was when your father wasn't around when you needed him the most. He knew what it was like to think that in a flash you can lose him and then live with it for the rest of your life, missing a piece of yourself.

But, he hadn't said anything. This was about Danny. And about what happened between him and Rachel so far. Danny wasn't very revealing about his marriage and his life in Jersey, except little tidbits left like bread crumbs. But, from what he witnessed in the past two years, he could tell she hurt him a lot and this ongoing fight with himself needed to stop. Something was weighing Danny down to the bottom of his personal ocean, and Steve needed to save him from drowning in it.

Just like his childhood best friend tried to do in the real ocean decades ago. Steve hoped he wouldn't drown, too.

Danny wasn't a guy that would ask you for help immediately. Wasn't a guy that liked to depend on someone else and took care of himself alone and did a fine job of doing just that. Steve was determined to help him get through that phase, and overcome the feeling of failure. He made mistakes, but _don't we all make mistakes_ , thought Steve? What was different about Danny that didn't apply to him or the 7 billion people living on this planet?

Mistakes are what makes us human.

"Where did I do wrong?" Danny's voice brought Steve out of his thoughts.

"What are you talking about?"

"Where did I do wrong, Steve? With my life? With Rachel? I had to have done something, because this seems to me like some cruel form of retaliation for my mistakes."

"Don't you dare!"

"But, it's the truth Steve. It is what it is, nothing you say or do will change that. I messed up, big time. I messed up my life, and when I and Rachel divorced, I messed up my little girl's life too, and some days I feel like I ask too much."

"It wasn't entirely your fault, Danny."

"You don't know that!"

"But, I know you!" Steve retorted. "I know you. And you are more times than not on a guilt trip, trying to blame it all on yourself, when we all know it's just how you do things most of the time. I believe it wasn't entirely your fault that your marriage fell apart."

Danny snorted and said nothing.

"It takes two for a relationship. And two to end said relationship. Don't give me that look."

"You are the one with the looks, babe."

Steve sighed. Convincing Danny would require a lot of effort.

"Listen to me, Danny. You are the kind of father that will do everything for your kid, and I mean everything. I know you'd give your life for her, and you'd do it in a heartbeat, no matter what. It's who you are, and it shows the love you have for your daughter. She is the most important thing you have in your life and the only beautiful thing that got out of the relationship you and Rachel had. How am I doing?"

Danny tried to look angry and glare, but Steve smiled inwardly, noticing the slight change in Danny that told him he hit a nerve and was on the right track.

"You are a devoted officer of the law, and even more devoted father. You take a great care of your kid, despite your work hours, and irregular schedule. It's what you do best, in both fields, so don't you ever doubt yourself of not doing well, or what will Gracie think of you. Because I know for a fact that that girl is proud of you.

"Grace loves you with such a force that she'd melt an iceberg just for her Danno. So her Danno has to be there for her. You are right, I get it, the job gets in the way, sometimes you work more and you don't have much time, but you and I, we both know why are you doing this, buddy. And I'm sure Grace is aware of that fact, too. Because her Danno does what he does to protect the people on this island, and most important to keep her safe, and this island that became his second home. Although the hardcore Jersey boy won't admit that out loud, of course."

"You are never going to change, huh, Steven?"

"Same goes to you."

"Goof."

"Look who's talking."

"What's with rolling the ball back and forth, babe?"

"I think it's more of tossing it rather than rolling it."

"I thought football was your thing."

"It was. This is kind of a different football."

Danny was amazed at how lighter he felt after he talked with Steve about his worries. He was sure about one thing, tho. Steve McGarrett was one of the very few people that he'd trust with his life and all that mattered to him. He was slowly creeping on his inside walls and left cracks behind. And he was aware that Steve wasn't much open on emotional level, but he was there when Danny needed an emotional outlet and supported him all the way through. Just like he did now. He knew how to take a beating, but also a juicy rant from his partner.

"Thank you Steve."

"For what?"

"For being here with me. For being there for me. There were times in my life where even my own parents and siblings thought I was a failure and they weren't much around in those monents, but you, you are different. Do you know how many times I've hit the bottom after I met you? Probably thousand times, because you are always worrying me, choosing the most dangerous moments to pull a stunt. But, it's you again who takes me above the surface. And I wouldn't change that for nothing else in the world. No matter how twisted your philosophy about always being right is true in this context. Grace knows who I am and what I do. But I have my fears that one day I'll be just a name and a face in her memory."

The raw emotion in Danny's voice sent chills through Steve's body.

"Buddy, why don't you take a break and sleep it off, huh? You'll definitely feel better."

"This is the only time I am not ranting and you actually send me to bed. Really, Steven? Thought you'd love the change."

"I love it, but I'm serious. Just rest and then we will continue where we left off."

"Awww come on, babe, you are not coming with me?"

"Not now, buddy. Now beat it."

"Oh, you know you love me."

"Of course. Love you, buddy."

"Love you, too."


End file.
